could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
