you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I have already put on my inside pants.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
