So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
