but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Randomize
