dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
