I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
