oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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