Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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