Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
