i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Randomize
