I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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