how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
