just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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