So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
