hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
