Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
