some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
