How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
