I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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