You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Its about making memories worth repressing
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
