I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
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