I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
