what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
