ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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