apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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