It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
