we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
