Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
She needs sedatives and a leash
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
My vagina just clenched in fear
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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