'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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