I'm laying in your front yard are you home
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
