I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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