last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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