new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
