It was confusing and full of hummus
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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