My Higher Power is John Stamos
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
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