just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
