Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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