you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Randomize
