he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
