hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Randomize
