im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
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