it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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