i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
We're too hungover to prance.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
