Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
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