your parents love me but you hate me
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
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