I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
