You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
