By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
