I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
