it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
